The stupidest things I said, I said them to you. I want them to be said, but not heard.

I meant them. There is no denying. But they were not for you, Not to you.

They were, they are my demons, my ugliness, my burden. They are me. And I despise 

them. I despise "me". 

I wince the moment silence is no more. I wince because now you know.Now you 

know "Me". And I break. You can't see it. But there's glass, and heart and pieces. They 

are broken. Two, three, ten million pieces. Impossible to mend. Mosaic of "Me" . 

I don't seek forgiveness. I don't ask for it. I don't believe in it. Sorrys are easy. Sorrys 

are cheap. Sorrys are disposable, forgettable. I need for you never to hear them. I will 

never to speak them, speak of them.

I don't need forgiveness. Penance, that's what I shall have. Penance and burn. Fire and 

uneasiness. Numbness, I pray. I need numbness. My comfort, my known. "Me". 

Feelings are disruptive. Unwelcome. I crave the emptiness, the void. Not to feel, my 

comfort. "Me"

Who I am, what I am. Nothing is always better. No joy, no pain. Numbness. It's better 

that way. Always better.I can walk. No flowers, no sunshine, no rain, no heat. Just walk. 

Asphalt. Steps and tiredness. Steps and infinite. Strength and brokenness. "Me"